What am I doing wrong?

A Man and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: "You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?"

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: "See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides."

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along."

Well, the Man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said:

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours and your hulking son?"

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey's feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.

"That will teach you," said an old man who had followed them:

Moral of Aesops Fable: Please all, and you will please none

Recently, I came across an old book of Aesops fables and remembered reading them as a child. As I began reading the stories again, I was reminded just how relevant and true these hold up thousands of years later. We have come a long way as a society since Aesop and yet we are still plagued by the same emotions, insecurities failings and virtues.

I would like to revisit some of these old fables and address the virtues of some, the fallacies of others, and, how they apply to our (my) life.  

A few weeks ago my husband and I were driving home from North Carolina. I had just found out about yet another betrayal from someone close to me which left me very hurt and confused.

"What am I doing wrong?" I cried. "I've been as nice as I can be, gone out of my way to help, care and love this person and yet they still keep doing this!"

"You haven't done anything wrong," my husband consoled.

"Then why does this keep happening?" I asked. "I keep trying, putting myself out on a limb, forgiving, doing everything I can think of to please them, and the more I try to more they treat me like sh*t!"

"Well, that's your problem, you keep trying to please them. They hurt you, you forgive them and they know its ok to do whatever they want because eventually you'll get over it. It makes no difference if they are good to you or not, there are no consequences," he said.

"That's not how it's supposed to work!" I yelled. "If you are good to someone that means they are supposed to be good back! You're not supposed to be mean to the people who love you!"

"Xris, trying to make everyone happy so they will love you is only making you unhappy. You can't please everyone!" he tried to explain. "Live your life and, as much as it sucks, you just have to let people go."

That is a hard thing to do, at least for me. Especially after you've invested a lot of time, and yourself, in a relationship. But sometimes you do have to let people go because you can't please them. I think this comes with knowing you've done all you can, knowing your own self worth and recognizing that they will never treat you the way you want to be treated.

I find the older I get the less I want to put up with selfish people, the more I tend to call people on their bull and the less time I try to hold on to people who can't appreciate the love I have to offer. This isn't because life has made me hard, or bitter, but because I am finally learning who I am. I am finally recognizing my worth. I am finally realizing that I can't please everyone, I can only make myself happy.

This, of course, does not mean that I only think about myself. I still go out of my way for people, still love, support and encourage the best that I can. It just means that my best isn't going to be good enough for some but it is good enough for me. And that's ok.